ANGELINA JOLIE IS CREEPY

As the owner and operator of a penis, I can't even begin to tell you how scary it is when a girls forearms are as vascular as Angelina Jolies.  That hand is like a killing chamber for a penis.  Ninety percent of my diary is either drawings of unicorns dancing under rainbows or daydreams about getting a hand job from Angelina, but that's gonna change now.  I'd rather slam my penis in a car door than have that thing wrapped around it, beating it to a bloody pulp, if not ripping it off completely.  Then I have to spend the rest of the night in the emergency room with my penis in a glass of milk, trying to explain to the doctor why there are grooves worn into it like the handlebars to a 10-year-olds bike.  Believe it or not, that's really not the sexy night or adventure I had in mind.