ITS A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE!

New documents reveal that the Chupacabra pled no contest four years ago to driving under the influence, which means that if she is found guilty of DUI after driving the wrong way down the Burbank freeway while high on vicodin and marijuana this past Monday, the judge must impose a jail sentence.  That’s right.  Jail.  Nicole Richie.  In jail.  TMZ says:

The law requires a mandatory sentence of five consecutive days in county jail as well as a one year license suspension for anyone twice-convicted of DUI. In addition, Richie would be ordered to attend an alcohol education program for a year-and-a-half, even if the second conviction is not alcohol-related.

In 2002 she was arrested for driving 50 miler per hour in a 15 mph zone near UCLA.  She had a .13 blood alcohol level.  In California, .08 is considered intoxicated.  Six months later, she was convicted for possession of heroin and driving on a suspended license.  I think a good gift for Nicole’s farewell party would be one of those Garfield “I hate Mondays” posters.  Because she was arrested on a Monday.  Everyone would be like, “oohh, I get it … hahaha”.  Except, instead of showing Garfield with a bowl of spaghetti on his head, it would show Garfield in prison with his head shoved in a toilet and raped with a mop handle by two huge dykes.  Or tossing the salad of two guards.  I have to assume you have to special order that poster but it would be worth it because everyone would have a good laugh and agree that Mondays stink.