WTF, LINDSAY

Lindsay, you little attention-starved, drama-queen bitch.  How god damn dumb are you.  Paris Hilton is nothing but a vicious bitch to you and everyone else – but especially you – and 15 seconds ago you said she hit you at a party, then you're seen at 5 AM this morning smiling and laughing like idiots with her and Britney.  God damn I've had it with you.  X17 says:

Hang on to your seats – this one's just getting crazier and crazier! At 5 AM this morning, Paris' publicist Elliot Mintz called one of our photographers to hurry down to the Beverly Hills Hotel … we found Paris, Lindsay, and Britney kicking it old-school! The trio laughed and giggled like old chums before piling into the front seat of Paris' whip and peeling out into the night!

God damn that car must smell terrible.  The entire thing should be sprayed with Raid.  In fact, just throw the car away.  Those seats are gonna have holes burned in them all the way to the ground, with a green slime dripping from the undercarriage that experts may think is that alien blood that can eat through the hull of a spaceship, but trust me, it's not.