SURI CRUISE IS AN ASIAN BOY

The very first picture of Suri Cruise hit the internet last night on the Vanity Fair website.  The issue of Vanity Fair with a 22 page photo essay on Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and their 5 month old daughter will hit newsstands in New York and Los Angeles today, the rest of the country next Tuesday.  In the issue, Katie opens up about the pressure and scrutiny of the past few months:

"it's been heartbreaking (to see what's being said in the press about her family and her baby).  Some of the crap that's out there, the stuff that's said about my parents and my siblings, it's really frustrating the amount of shit that's out there. And the stuff they say about Suri?! You shouldn't say that about us, and you can't say that about my child."

Well, actually we can.  And it's your fault Katie.  Only you two maniacs could make having a baby seem weird and suspicious.  Suri is absolutely beautiful, but you've kept her hidden away like Anne Frank, so now even that's suspect.  She's a little too beautiful.  Her features are a little too perfect, like JackJack in a wig.  She looks like she was born in a lab, and that's … oh … oh, okay, now I get it.