DAVID HASSELHOFF CANNOT BE FOOLED

TMZ reported late last night that Haley Hasselhoff, the 14 year-old-daughter of David Hasselhoff, had attempted suicide.  The report was based on a call made by David to 911 operators where he claimed his daughter had cut herself and needed emergency care.  But David’s ex-wife Pamela Bach denies this was ever the case.  She says Haley was scratched by a house cat, and that David knew this and she has no idea why he called 911 or why he overreacted to this degree.  Bach says:

"David called and I told him about the scratch. He said he was going to call the ambulance. I said 'David, what are you doing?' The next thing I know David called the ambulance. I am floored. Shocked. Last night was so bizarre. I don't know why David did this."

A spokesman for David Hasselhoff is backing away from any suicide claims:

"Upon boarding an overnight flight for overseas last night, Mr. Hasselhoff received a call from his oldest daughter alerting him that his younger daughter had been playing with the dog and cat at hers mother's home in the San Fernando Valley. The cat gave her a severe scratch on her forearm and she was bleeding. Mr. Hasselhoff did what any responsible parent would do. He called 911 to report the incident and asked if they would send someone to check up on his child."

Is this what the young people are doing today?  Killing themselves with cats?  I’m not an expert on suicide or the killing power of cats, but this way doesn’t seem super efficient.  She should have used a razor or scalpel if this was just a cry for help, like me when I have one of my Christmas “accidents”.  I'm over here carving “fatty” into my arm right now!  God I'm so fat!