Jessica Simpson is still number 1

Most reasonable people agree that no one loves Jessica Simpson more than I do. I even used “Sweet Kisses” as the entrance music for my ultimate fighting matches. In hindsight, it may have been a mistake, as it seemed to fill my opponent with confidence, but before that I was using “Coward of the County” by Kenny Rogers, which didn’t help either. My retarded lengthy point being, hot chicks should stop using gay dudes as stylists. Because left on her own, Jessica is still insanely hot, but then her BFF Ken Paves gets a hold of her and makes her look like absolute hell. The gay community loves me ’cause I’m sassy, so I’m not trying to start a fight, but look here nancy, just because you don’t like girls doesn’t mean you get to ruin them for the rest of us. Go play with your dolls. Put them in frumpy floral dresses. Meanwhile, I’ll pick out some half shirts and cheerleading shorts for my beloved Jessica.

Sorry about the picture quality here. I’ll update with better as soon as its out. In the meantime, here’s the clip of Jessica giving oral to an ice cream cone, at least according to legend. It’s kinda hard to tell but she sounds really hot here so who the hell cares.