Chris Klein is borderline retarded

Hollywood nobody Chris Klein put on more lip gloss and ran his mouth to Elle magazine recently, and did what previously seemed impossible, namely making Katie Holmes new boyfriend look cautious and level headed. The C-list jerkoff who describes himself as an “alpha heterosexual” who only dates “8 to 10’s” covered a host of topics, and managed to sound like a brain-dead ass on every single one of them. Some of the gems include:


On cooking for a date: “I don’t need food to impress, man. It’s a flash of a smile and a nice conversation. And at the end of the day, she’s cooking the food.”


On how to deal with a girlfriend putting on a few pounds: “I’m not tolerant of that at all. When a woman isn’t feeling good about herself and you combine that with her period, eventually she’ll ask you if you like her body. You have to say no. I don’t placate.”


On chivalry: “I was just trying to tell this chick to get lost. I try to treat all women with respect whether they’re pretty or ugly. I want to be nice and be like, ‘Wow, thanks for the attention. But get out of my face.'”


On opening up with a new girl: “Hey, man, I’m not here to hold hands and baby-sit. She’s got to come to the table with something.”


Klein said he’s “very closed off until a woman deserves to know me completely”, but isn