Lexi, nothin' to fear from me.  The Durden community is completely separate from my real life.  Besides, you guys are more fun. 

JESUS MUTHA HUMPIN JUMPIN CHRIST Lexi, bored much??

Sorry but youve put entirely WAY too much thought into one chick''s gluteus maximus! Frankly, It a little disturbing.. like are u writing a fucking book in here or what??? LMAO

the only thing that should be attracted to her is gravity(as we'll all find out soon enough)

As if it wasn't disturbing enough, while getting a closer look at pic #3, right below it on google ads is a picture of her declaring "Amy Winehouse Ringtones!" Accidental before and after shot, creepy.

 And I get stuck on this makeup issue but what the fuck.... she's so cracked out of her gourd she doesn't heed warnings from doctors that she's near death but she still manages to take the time to draw that bat shit crazy looking eyeliner mess on her and apparently still plucks or waxes her brows.... that's an unexplained mystery of sorts. They'll find her lifeless body in an alley with cuts all over her arms, zero teeth and skin that resembles someone with leprosy but she'll have that goofy fuckin eyeliner and hideous wig on. 

Selinaroxit

Jenner is talking about this (from the daily mail)

Football superstar Cristiano Ronaldo turned down Paris Hilton after she made a play for him at a Hollywood nightclub, MailOnline has learned.  The Manchester United striker - currently in LA on an undisclosed business trip - arrived at trendy hotspot Villa in the early hours of Wednesday morning.  A source said: 'Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table. 'At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him.  'But Ronaldo clearly wasn't interested in Paris. He turned his back on her.'  According to reports, the 23-year-old Portugese star is a single man after splitting from model Nereida Gallardo, 25.

And heiress Paris, clad in a peach-coloured dress, was clearly impressed by his charms.  The onlooker added: 'Every girl in the club was checking him out but Paris couldn't take her eyes off him.  The onlooker added that Ronaldo is being accompanied by a glamorous female assistant, who is apparently helping him recuperate from injury.

"Lauren approached him and asked for a picture of them to be taken. But he just blew her off and refused.
Cristiano turned to his friend and said in his heavy Portugese accent: 'Who is this woman?' "

I'm totally going with this technique the next time some dip shit tourist asks me to take a picture for them.

"Her booty so big ..."

... After repeated warnings from law enforcement to back dat thing up off, Sir Mix-A-Lot has finally been slapped with a restraining order barring him from cumming coming within 50 feet of it.

Paga waga dada shmaaada .. booboo coco dooo du chow ..

acha jomogo

Amy makes Keef look like the picture of health.

 And dead in a year, huh? They're being optimistic giving her that long!

Or maybe it was....

Denny Crane! 

I despise Ronaldo, he's hideous. Hideous hideous hideous.  And a drama queen. HOWEVER. If the reports of him spurning all these Hollywood Twatlets are true - ESPECIALLY the Paris Hilton one - then I have to admit I have a newfound teeny tiny bit of respect for him.

Dude's gotta lay off the short shorts, though.  *shudder*

"The actress chose the procedure (which can cost around $12,000 a pop) so 'she wouldn't have to deal with the stress of trying to get pregnant,' the source tells Us. 'She could just knock it out.'"

 I constantly worry about having to deal with the stress that comes with fucking Brad Pitt.

I sympathize with your needs, really I do.

No one outside the U.S. knows who she is, no one inside the U.S. knows who he is.

This is because soccer isn't nearly as popular in the US as it is everywhere else. Reality shows, unfortunately, are international. So while Ronaldo's unknown-ness in the US is understandable, Lauren fails in the one medium embraced the world over and requires absolutely no effort to achieve in. Congrats, Lauren, you failure at doing nothing.

Secondary News Flash: Noone over 17 watches music video stations. Secondary News Flash continued: people outside of the US have totally different stations to watch. It's like they have totally different TV stations. I even heard that there are stations in Germany where they don't even speak in English. Crazy, I know. I'm like .. what?

Comparing David Beckham to being a star on "the hills" is like ... wel .. well it's like that exactly. HA!

The Hills: Never watched it. Never will. 

I love the symbolism of this photo.

She's standing in front of a poster for The Dark Knigt, on truly one of her darkest nights ever.

 I hope she cried.

Technology has advanced so far these days.

 Back in my day people marvled when we drew mustaches on eachothers pictures.

 Now we're digitally implanting pubic hair.

 God bless technology, and God bless America!

LOL @ AESC.

That flick was on tv the other night.  I still love the soundtrack.  Perfect 80's memories.

Revelation here:  I'm a police officer.  Right after the movie came out, one of our guys had to go check out a report of someone messing around the mausoleum at the local cemetary.  He'd been out of the car for a few minutes and one of the other guys called him on the radio to check on him.  The reply, in an other-worldly monotone, was "Send more cops".

In the thrid picture, I know it looks like Brooke is throwing a Hawaiian print football, but if you look closer, you'll see what's really going on.

 She's actually throwing the remainder of her femininity.

Talking dogs, crude drawings of aliens, and people singing about the dangers of tabacco.

 All of that shit is useless. Just slap on a picture or two of Amy Winehouse and scare the kids straight.

 Because I don't want to end up a cracked out prehistoric looking whore. Amy Winehouse, my anti-drug. Troof.