Every few months Lindsay Lohan announces how much she loves London because she can spell it and the cool air is good for her open leg wounds and how she might move there permanently. I think she’s waiting for... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan returned to the cryo tank to freeze herself back to only semi-lividity. If applied properly, the negative Kelvin temperatures of the chamber can alleviate joint pain and cause your poor decisions of the last ten years to... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan was pronounced clear of all charges and punishments though not sexually transmitted diseases by an L.A. judge who reviewed her community service logs from the past couple of weeks and declared her debt to society paid in... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan took time from her lazy sprint to complete her community service hours to hit the cryogenic tanks in New York. Cryogenic therapy involves shoving rich white people into a -180 degree tube until their bodies start releasing... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan has ten days left to perform 140 hours of community service as prescribed by the court to pretend they’re punishing her from one of he last four legal offenses. Lindsay’s trying to max out at a childcare... READ MORE

After lying and fudging her community service hours multiple times while wearing a butt plug a judge has ordered Lindsey Lohan to complete her 125 hours before May 28th. That’s seven hours a day, seven days a week. We’re talking... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan posted one of those inspirational photos of words for all the deep thinkers whose last five books have been Instagram posts. There’s some Arabic writing, and underneath it says “You’re beautiful” which is the perfect bit of... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan’s white trash mother Dina is selling a bunch of her daughter’s possessions online. The stuff, including furniture, clothing, and zero books, was moved into Dinah’s house for the filming of some Oprah segments which were so authentic they circled... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan has declared herself ready to conquer the world once more. Typically this means she’s found some ingenious travel case hiding places for her unscripted meds. Or, there are fabulous new photos of her with the track marks... READ MORE

Lindsay Lohan is a victim of free labor. Too many people around her for too many years offering free shit and services that have left her vulnerable to the harsh mechanics of the real world. For instance, a skilled... READ MORE