Zoe Saldana Isn’t Nude

The big press release I got said ‘Zoe Saldana is nude in this month’s Allure!’. Okay, it wasn’t a press release so much as FSI in Glamour that fell out when I was perusing an article about how to Ombre your own hair. It was for a friend. Fuck, I said too much. The point is, Zoe Saldana is not nude in the magazine. She has no clothes. She’s technically nude. But, again, I call upon Stripper Law to plainly state that when a neon light blinks ‘LIVE NUDE GIRLS’, you’re going to see both Hooties and the Blowfish. If they wheel a girl out and she’s twisted up into a PG-rated pretzel, at least the DJ is now dead. There ought to be about 20 terms in the English language that when intentionally misused in advertising result in the punishment of death. Strip show, nude girls, free fries…

Photo Credit: Allure Magazine