Ariel Winter Is Safe and Happy and Fat

First, let me say, there’s nothing wrong with being overweight. I read that once in a Jenny Craig brochure, which seems ironic, since Jenny makes billions pretending to cure customers of this condition. But, if you’re a teen actress like Ariel Winter from Modern Family, taken away from your horrible stage mom, in part, because she was abusive about keeping you from getting fat, then you get fat, people are going to notice. At least, I am. I notice shit like that. Especially when you brag to places like US magazine about how much happier you are without mom counting your calories:

I had body insecurities when I was younger. I still do. Every girl has insecurities — mine were heightened at the time because my mother wasn’t supportive….. Now, my sister is always making sure to tell me that I look beautiful . . . It’s about learning to love yourself.

Yeah, and learning to say, ‘hold the sour cream’ on the Farmer’s Market breakfast burritos. Mom might be a horrid Hollywood parasite, but she kept you TV show lean. I wonder if she’s looking to adopt.

Photo credit: Splash News