THE JACKSON FAMILY IS DOING GREAT

The New York Post has an article today on the Jackson family, who should be worth hundreds of millions of dollars, yet somehow are barely surviving.  The Jackson 5 sold more than 100 million albums, second only to the Beetles, yet today Janet is the only one with anything even remotely resembling a career.  The rest of them are sort of still musicians, in the same way that dalmatians are sort of fireman.  So where is the family now?

– Marlon Jackson, 51: an original Jackson Five member who stocks shelves at a Vons supermarket in San Diego, had to temporarily move into an extended-stay hotel.– Janet Jackson, 41: the current family breadwinner. She bought her mom a Vegas home in anticipation of losing the family's mansion, Hayvenhurst, to foreclosure. Like their Neverland colleagues, workers at Hayvenhurst have not been paid for months.– La Toya Jackson, 52: family turncoat who declared Michael guilty during the 1993 molestation case, she earns a living mostly in Europe and in the UAE judging beauty and singing contests. She lives with a wealthy boyfriend in Beverly Hills and has little contact with her siblings.– Tito Jackson, 55: formed a blues band several years ago and plays at small venues for $500 to $1,500 a gig.– Michael Jackson, 49: on the verge of losing Neverland ranch as well as the family's Encino, Calif., home. He's hiding out in Las Vegas and repeatedly makes promises to his brothers while sabotaging any attempts by them to ply their musical trade.– Randy Jackson, 46: does odd jobs like changing tires to support himself. He was Michael's business manager during the 2005 molestation trial but ran into serious problems with friends after he persuaded three people to take out lines of credits against their homes to help Michael pay his attorney fees and Michael stiffed them.– Jackie Jackson, 56: the oldest son started an Internet clothing business and is trying to produce records by his sons. Nothing has panned out.– Jermaine Jackson, 54: splits time between the parents' Hayvenhurst mansion and his girlfriend's home in the San Fernando Valley. With more than $5 million in federal, state and other liens against him and a 1995 bankruptcy filing, he doesn't work or have a regular income.

The article goes on to say that Michael is primarily responsible for the family's downfall because he signed his brothers to record deals and then never released their music.  They say he wanted them to fail, wanted them to be broke, officially making him the Most Sinister Man In The World, at least among men who who sleep in footy pajamas with teddy bears and boys.  To be fair, he won this title mostly because no one else entered the contest, but still, he's one tough costumer.