Charlie Sheen wants to retire, has a show premiering tonight

Charlie Sheens new show ‘Anger Management’ must be amazing because it premieres tonight on FX right after ‘Louie’, which is the best show of any kind on television (except maybe ‘Sherlock’). FX paired these together, and the one with the funniest man on earth is the warm-up for the one with the rambling meth addict, so it must be edgy and hilarious.

As luck would have it, here are a few prominent reviews that I bet will do nothing but confirm that suspicion:

“Putting aside the fact that Sheen is a thug with a penchant for substance abuse and violence against women, ‘Anger Management’ is toxically mediocre.” – the Daily Beast

“It is distressingly average … It is not a train wreck; it’s just a train — chugging along from A to B. The jokes arrive, one by one, on schedule.” – the LA Times

“Patients in the group-therapy sessions are stock sitcom characters … ‘Anger Management’ is at heart a simple, old-fashioned sitcom, with raucous recorded laughter and predictable one-liners.” – the New York Times

“Yet despite the careful attention to image enhancement possibilities, the core ugliness and toxic narcissism of ‘Anger Management’ are impossible to ignore.” – the Huffington Post

Well that sounded promising. Another terrific sign is that the show hasn’t even started yet and Sheen is talking about never acting again in his life.

“Thirty years in, I mean come on. There’s this whole ton of stuff to do that involves my children and the rest of my life that’s not about like worshipping fiction,” Sheen told Fox.

Don’t “come on” me, jackass, I didn’t ask you to stay. I don’t think anyone did. By all means, go, go away and try new things. Suicide, for example.