jessica is on a crash diet

For a year or so, Jessica Simpson has been on a quest to look as unattractive as possible, but last night on her twitter she mentioned a radical new diet. She also confirmed that she’s still dumb as a rock.

“Shocked my system with a vegan diet, special Pu-erh tea from China, and cupping since friday! Who am I right now? This might be too clean!”
“Has anyone ever tried cupping? When u know you are doing something good for ur body the meditation creates intense visions. Love it!”

“Cupping” means suctions cups are placed on her skin to treat stagnant blood and improve her qi flow. It makes a lot of sense if you think about it. (note: I’m lying of course.)

“Just so everyone is clear.. this has NOTHING to do with weight! It is about understanding my body through hydration and alkalinity…”

This seems like a really good idea, especially if you want people to call you crazy. I’ve been to a hundred doctors, and not one of them has ever told me I wasn’t getting enough suction cup.