Shauna Sand, WW2, teddy grahams

It’s like 3:30am right now and History International has a bunch of shows on about the Pacific Theater in WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa, and the commercials during this are exactly what you might expect would be on History International at 3:30am during a bunch of shows about WWII and Mt Suribachi and the Battle of Okinawa. Point being, when did “Not Sold In Stores” become some brag-able badge of honor? All hearing that does is make me think your product sucks.  It’s not like stores are some elitist private club. They sell things. For money. That’s what they do. It’s why people go. So am I to believe that you people in the commercials prefer doing it this way, or that the store told you and your crappy product to go F yourselves? I notice Coke isn’t selling cans one by one through the mail. If you wrote Not Admitted To Any College! on a job application, I’m pretty sure whoever read it wouldn’t be tricked into thinking it was because you were a little too awesome. Companies do this shit all the time. They have something that is clearly inferior or at best useless and instead of having the god damn decency to hide it they tell you that’s precisely what makes it so amazing. Like the box for Teddy Grahams says “made with wholesome graham goodness”. What the fuck is graham? When did that become some vitamin rich superfood? It’s just a cookie, right? Not once has my doctor ever told me I haven’t been getting enough cookie. Saturn used to do the same thing with their dent-resistant doors. They replaced steel with plastic and told you this was way better. And the commercial showed a shopping cart rolling into their plastic door and then not denting. All that would be terrific if we could get drunks to stumble out of a bar and drive shopping carts around a parking lot. Until then, enjoy driving around your killing chamber with its pristine yet otherwise worthless doors.

Anyway, Shauna Sand went to the beach. Miami. Bikini. Tits.

Ta-da!