Ninjas killed David Carradine

I don’t know who’s in charge of handing out gold medals for opening paragraphs but I dare you to do better than the New York Post…

A secret sect of kung fu assassins could have silenced actor David Carradine as he delved into their shadowy activities, according to his family’s lawyer.

Aha! I knew it!

…attorney Mark Geragos suggested that Carradine may have been killed as he tried to uncover groups working in the martial-arts underworld.
The lawyer said the actor’s family refuses to believe he died in a sadomasochistic sex stunt gone wrong — despite his being found naked with a rope tied around his neck, wrists and genitals.
The bizarre claim was made on “Larry King Live” on CNN Friday after a panel member said, “David was very interested in investigating and disclosing secret societies.”
“What that means is connected to martial arts and his interest in martial arts,” he continued. “And so there is a suspicion that if there was some foul play, that that may be the first area where they should look.”

I hope this works because it will be awesome to blame some secret society every time I get caught being a pervert. “The Free Masons planted those panties, and a coven of witches hexed my computer to download ‘Oops I Swallowed Again’ “.