the Sad Cartoon Turtle found love

I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m bragging but “The Sad Turtle Finds Love” would be a pretty good title for a children’s book. Something about never giving up, and how you never know what this day may hold. 20 minutes before you met the true love of your life, you had no idea that you were about to meet the true love of your life. That day could be today. Jesus Christ I’m gonna be rich.

Point being, Maggie got married this weekend to actor Peter Sarsgaard, who I always think is the professor from “Good Will Hunting” but it’s not. I don’t know who he is. You might try the library, they might know.

One time someone asked me if I was forced would I fuck Maggie or Jake. And I said, “… uh … J …. Maggie.” And then they said well what about just deep kissing. And I said, “aww God dammit”.