Julianne Hough Sells Spandex Too

Julianne Hough is selling athleisure gear now too. Money flowing as it ever does from the foolish and compulsive to the clever and beautiful. Athleisure is a marketing term invented to make women feel like a celebrity yoga enthusiast who coffees with her friends mid-morning before heading to her loft office to design suspension bridges and adorable children’s chapeaus. Also, overweight slobs love elastic pants. According to something I just Googled, Spandex shipments to the U.S. from the child work camps in Vietnam and China are up ten-fold in the past several decades. Eighty percent of all garments shipped to the U.S, now contain some amount of Lycra Spandex. Mix that with skyrocketing obesity rates and you have a landscape ripe for Cinnabon fetish porn.

Hough explains it more enticingly:

Athleisure apparel is exactly what it sounds like. Everything in this collection could be worn to work out, run errands, meet for coffee, or even to more formal settings. On busy days where I have to wear many hats, I’ll throw on a blazer and nice shoes kept in the car. Nobody in the meeting ever knows I’m actually wearing workout clothes! From there, I can toss the blazer and hit up a dance rehearsal or yoga class. It’s exactly what I need to get through my busy schedule. The more I spoke to other women, it’s exactly what they need too!

You don’t speak to other women. You speak to Kate Hudson and Jillian Michaels who are also selling the same three dollar per piece F.O.B. crap at $39.95  to the exact same people. All of you describe athleisure in the exact same words on your merchandise pages. This smells of a giant Spandex conspiracy. Polyurethane. Time to break in that $20,000 stove. America can eat rolls again thanks to stretch pants.

Photo Credit: Splash