Rihanna and Uncle Terry Stole a Baby

Nobody spoke up when Rihanna grabbed her own tit or a cigarillo for Terry Richardson. The baby is another matter. Where’d the baby come from, Uncle Terry? Speak now or gargle out the answer from the unfriendly end of a waterboard.

In Terry Richardson’s defense, he’s never been convicted of any kind of sexual assault. In his not defense, everything else. Maybe all the teen Czech models claiming he likes to slap his wet dick across their chops are lying. Maybe he’s not properly remembering his own exposited drug and Basketball Diaries sexual history. Either way, what idiot at the baby store let him rent one with just an Amex and a copy of his driver’s license. Rihanna, your right tit is going down as an accessory.

See something, say something. I see Uncle Terry with an unidentified baby. There’s no explanation he could offer that wouldn’t sound horrible. If SWAT isn’t surrounding the studio in sixty seconds, just assume you forgot to circle The Purge on your calendar.

_{Photo Credit: Terry Richardson}