Lindsay Lohan Severs Her Ring Finger

There are numerous reasons why one might lose their ring finger. Gollum attack comes to mind. Pissed off ex-fiancee wanting back the rock he bought you on his father’s Amex black is another. Lindsay Lohan went with boating accident. Drinking is implied in any and all boating accidents so there’s at least a baseline of credibility.

TMZ paid somebody in the ER for photos of Lohan’s mutilated bloody finger. If that’s your thing. The story everybody is currently sticking with is Lindsay’s finger was sliced through when retrieving the boat anchor. 

“I almost lost my finger from the anchor. Well. I lost half my finger, thank goodness we found the piece of my finger… I just had surgery to fix it.”

If you ever find yourself scrambling around the deck of a personal watercraft looking for a wasted 30-year old’s ring fingertip, it’s time to reevaluate the choices you’re making in your own life. It’s too late to change majors. The military holds some promise. Use the anchor as a metaphor. Lindsay is yours.

_{Photo credit: Lindsay Lohan/Instagram}