Lindsay Lohan Debuts Her New Accent (VIDEO)

Thirty seems like a good age to re-invent yourself. Many people would consider giving up excessive drinking or abusive relationships or even resolving to find a job. Lindsay Lohan chose a new accent. Unlike some people who move to a foreign land and pick up hints of the native language through the course of many years, Lohan’s seems to have come upon her rather suddenly. Right after moving to Greece where some guy paid her to open a nightclub. It’s a bit of an Italian-Mediterranean-Greek thing, with some Middle Eastern thrown in to honor the work she did once for an hour with Syrian refugees.

When pressed on the clearly brand new accent, Lohan invented a largely unintelligible excuse:

“It’s a mixture of most of the languages I can understand or am trying to learn. I’ve been learning different languages since I was a child. I’m fluent in English and French, can understand Russian and am learning Turkish, Italian and Arabic.”

Fluent in English seem probably. Though not a given for Long Island born. The rest is almost certainly bullshit, unless you absorb language through the cum of men in worldwide Hiltons. Lohan was quick to compare her sudden spoken language transformation to other inexplicable wonders of the world:

“Nothing really shocks me these days. I moved to London four years ago, and the taxes seem to be getting higher.”

It makes more sense if you say it out loud in LILOHAN, the name Lindsay has given her new accent. At least she can joke about it, though she’s not.

If anything the Lohan tale speaks of why retirement at twenty isn’t for everybody. Especially if you’ve only saved for enough party drugs and bail bonds until twenty-eight. Next thing you know you’re in Greece opening up clubs for hirsute men in black silk shirts and trying to exceed Gwyneth Paltrow in ex-pat affectations.