Cara Delevingne Has Proof of Non-Bloating

Rich British models have to put up with a ton of shit. Nothing immediately comes to mind, but suffice it to say, there’s a list.

Cara Delevigne snapped when the U.K. Sun tabloid asserted that Victoria’s Secret refused to let Delevingne walk in the 2014 London show because she was “bloated”. Bloating being the generic term for you’re obviously not eating but you still look fat in those panties. Gunty might be more politically correct. Like that one NFL season Erin Andrews had to wear mom pants.

Delevinge did what any other body shamed woman would. She speed dialed a C-level exec at Victoria’s Secret and insisted he pen a letter insisting that Delevingne was never pouch heavy during the 2014 casting sessions:

Contrary to the Sun‘s claims, which they never bothered to fact check with me, Victoria’s Secret made every effort to have you in the London show. I know, because I was the one making the effort. As a matter of fact, you were the first person invited, months ahead of anyone else.

Edward Razek, Victoria’s Secret’s CMO, continued with more overblown praise of Delevingne because effusive compliments in the face of dubious bloating charges is the humanitarian response. Razek invited Delevingne to be a part of this year’s show. 35 million followers on Instagram is the new Corleone hand to the shoulder. Your don asks you for a favor. Also, your don is scissor kissing half the chicks you’re counting on for your show. There’s power in real female orgasms.

Delevingne used the official Victoria’s Secret response to slam the U.K. Sun on social media. The bad publicity simply had to kill them. Two horrible forces squaring off against one another can’t lead to any real victory. Though if forced to wager, bet the house on the angry lesbian who retains water. They’re undefeated in recorded history. 

 _{Photo credit: Splash News}