Lindsay Lohan Shockingly Only 30

Lindsay Lohan is officially the youngest cougar on earth. It’s almost like in porn where they only have teens and milfs. Certainly there should be an in between but apparently not. You just leap from one to the other. Lohan resembles your sixty year old aunt’s friend yet is apparently, statistically speaking, younger than you are: 

“It’s about that time to recognize gravity is taking over my upper half (or so to speak). When you get home. Sit down. Analyze your future & see the wrinkles!”

Or just smoke way less crack and don’t see the wrinkles, up to you. Premature aging seems like a bitch. Lohan seems pretty nice, but she’s putting herself out there so fuck it. Mrs. Robinson was like sixty. If you look like a Gremlin by the time you hit menopause it doesn’t really work. Benjamin Button was a movie, meaning it was fiction. Blowing weird Euro dudes does produce frown lines. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}