Mick Jagger’s 29 Year Old Girlfriend Gives Birth (Matt’s Take on The Crone)

Through the aid of pharmaceutical technology and a shit load of money Mick Jagger impregnated this ballerina. She’s 29. He’s dead. You weren’t going to continue ballet dancing forever, especially when the market for it doesn’t exist. It is an interesting thing to pretend to think about though as some emaciated midget rock star nods along and contemplates the various ways in which he could bend your legs around.

What were you saying? No, totally, that guy sounds like an interesting ballet teacher, would you like seven more drinks? What are the odds you two wound up in the same bar? Potentially because you creeped out drunk as men while drinking club soda. Jagger has seven children. It’s unclear if they all plagiarize the blues but they most definitely all have inbred fox hunting features. Put out the good Halloween candy, you owe us. 

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}