Ben Affleck Titty Twister of Hilarie Burton Bubbles to the Surface

Every man exists somewhere on the scale of skeevy male behavior. From one to ten. Maybe you see yourself on the bottom end. You’re not a zero. No man is or we wouldn’t have seven billion people on this planet. This alone should ever give you pause in calling out other men for their own possibly abhorrent, yet non-criminal, moves on women. 

Ninety percent of Hollywood resources are now being deployed toward personal disavowals of Harvey Weinstein. The Nuremberg defendants took personal responsibility with great aplomb. Every enabler, cohort, and silent watcher is collectively and individually shocked, disgusted, and recommitting themselves to making sure this never happens again. 

Ben Affleck is a known chum of Weinstein going back to Good Will Hunting. A good movie made by talented people who would go on to exploit a lot of women. Affleck felt a need to drive home the point of how much he detests Weinstein’s actions which he naturally was never even close to knowing about:

“I am saddened and angry that a man who I worked with used his position of power to intimidate, sexually harass and manipulate many women over decades. The additional allegations of assault that I read this morning made me sick. This is completely unacceptable, and I find myself asking what I can do to make sure this doesn’t happen to others… we must support those who come forward, condemn this type of behavior when we see it and help ensure there are more women in positions of power.”

These face-saving rants are available at the Brentwood Whole Foods for $7.99, next to the veganic sprouted rice muffins. Buy one and post it. Had Affleck said nothing, he might’ve gotten away without a blowback lashing for his own behavior on that male scale. These guys simply can’t bring themselves to know when the getting’s good. You are not Batman. Repeat that.

Rose McGowan, who’s finally been vindicated in her tedious and anonymous charges of the past many years, told Affleck to “Fuck off” on Twitter. She followed up by insisting that she told Affleck to his face of the time Weinstein assaulted her and Affleck responded, “God dammit, I told him to stop doing that”. McGowan could be lying, but she’s not. Outrage pimps are like broken clocks. This is her twice a day moment.

A bunch of other women brought up Affleck’s treatment of his own wife, what with stuffing the nanny, potentially other women, gambling, booze, and wrecking the marriage. None of which is as gross as Weinstein, but again, Ben, remember the scale. 

Finally somebody remembered that time in 2003 when Affleck went on MTV’s TRL to promote a film and did the titty squeeze hand move on a then 21-year old MTV hostess, Hilarie Burton. It’s there alright. Whatever Burton thought about it at the time, she’s now granted the privilege of writing the history page on the moment, and she’s gone with “I laughed because I was too scare to cry”. That’s not good on your permanent record. Affleck was forced to issue an apology. Once you’ve done that you’ve admitted you’re the Cleveland Browns of moralists. 

Affleck’s buddy Matt Damon issued similarly sharp condemnation of Weinstein’s actions, especially as a “father of daughters” as Damon reminded everybody. Though Damon’s been added to the list of guys who Weinstein used to call the New York Times in 2004 and shitcan a piece about Miramax’s “executive” in Italy whose main job seemed to be finding women for Weinstein on his many trips to the country. Though both seem to have logical explanations of their calls to the Times at the time. None of which matters now. This broad brush is broader than seen before.

Let those who have sinned cast the first stone. In short, no fucking stones. Hide in your palatial bunkers for six months and wait until the ill winds have blown over. As if Hollywood celebrities had any control over their desperate need for virtue signaling. About as much control as Weinstein did around his submissive targets. It was better when only the potted plants had to contain the false front jizz.

_{Photo credit: MTV TRL/MeInMyPlace}