Taylor Swift Comes Out of Hiding With Cringe-Worthy Westbrook Congrats (VIDEO)

Taylor Swift has been in hiding since earlier this year. Some say she’s locked down in her candy factory after too much public attention nearly ruined her chocolate. Others suggest long term esthetician treatments and slapping her boyfriend’s hand away from her adorable sweater tops.

Swift appeared again via an awkwardly conceived and executed congratulations video for Russell Westbrook for winning the NBA’s MVP Award. The humorous conceit is that Swift and Westbrook are old friends who made each other’s careers. Swift showed Westbrook how to shoot and Westbrook gave Swift inspiration for her Shake It Off single. That’s not humorous, though definitely conceited.

“I was the one who taught you how to play basketball. I remember the first time you beat me at basketball and I was very upset and you said, if you remember correctly, you said, ‘You just have to shake it off,’ and I got an idea. So, essentially, we have each other to thank for these careers.”

You really couldn’t afford an SNL writer for a punch up? You can’t wing phony. Your entire career is based on highly prepped artifice. Something really is amiss.

Swift goes on to laughingly admit that she’s never met Westbrook, stopping short of confessing to disliking basketball, black people, and men in general. Swift blows a kiss and sends a great warm hug to Westbrook, for whom this shoddy but highly publicized wonder-of-me video can only cause him trouble with whatever girl he’s really fucking at the moment.

Swift’s P.R. people sent the video directly to the Oklahoma Thunder who posted it via their Twitter feed. Swift herself has only Tweeted once in the past six months, to express her sadness over the Manchester bombings. Based on the video, she seems like she could do with some more Howard Hughes collecting the urine in mason jars time.

Gather the Swift Squad, watch some rom-coms, and pantomime fondling one another while talking about how stupid boys are. Eight more pounds of licorice and you’ll be ready to plaster on a fake smile better than ever before.

_{Photo Credit: Getty / Twitter}