Tarek El Moussa Is Clearly the Crazy One

Every successful basic cable celebrity couple is some combination of the hot one and the secretly crazy one. The first out of the gates Enquirer stories about these reality TV stars are invariably false, but you might as well believe them since the eventual truth will be something equally as bad.

Christina El Moussa has responded to her split with her Flip or Flop husband Tarek El Moussa by swearing off food, taking bikini photos, and revenge fucking Gary the Contractor from the show. Check your DSM-5. Pretty standard divorce behavior. Tarek’s taken a different path. Fucking the nanny looked like a solid sane man’s play, but proved to be a cover for tons of Travis Bickle chin-ups and selfies:

I shot this and was too embarrassed to share so I didn’t…

Damn you, ellipsis. You’re like a dramatic “but” for beta males.

El Moussa went on to explain that his cancer diagnoses and spiritual recovery have inspired many and therefore he had to post his hardbody portraits. El Moussa claims his doctor told him he’d never lift weights again. Strange thing for a doctor to say. Perhaps the physician was simply hoping the day would never come when he’d have to see Tarek’s dramatically lit GNC pose-downs.

The story of Tarek grabbing the gun and running into the woods upon learning his wife wanted to fuck the old guy in the tool belt tells you most everything you need to know. The straining flexor tendons fills in the blanks. He’s almost certainly got a list of people who’ve wronged him and a stash of out of date Soviet light arms weaponry

Some balloons pop. Others slowly leak with that annoying high pitch squeal. This is the last remaining unknown about Tarek El Moussa.

_{Photo credit: Tarek El Moussa/Instagram}