David Beckham Really Wants to Be a Knight

Occasionally clever British tabloid reporters came up with the name ‘Beckileaks’ to describe the release of emails hacked from the server of a global sports management company closely tied to David Beckham. The hackers released correspondences between Beckham and his public relations and business managers discussing a shitload of mundane stuff. Or mundane to us Yanks. 

A particular set of conversations involved Beckham’s obsession with being knighted by the Queen. Beckham cops to the fact that his charitable works are done largely to garner positive press and get him that fucking “Sir” title. Beckham was awarded an OBE, Officer of the Most Excellent Order of the British Empire, which is a throwaway given to every British famous person who hasn’t been caught fucking a boy. Not caught yet. In his emails, Beckham rips on other entertainers who have received the OBE as being unworthy and the title meaningless. But knighthood, now, that’s a thing reserved for the upper echelons of humanity like Paul McCartney and Gandalf.

Beckham’s tawdry arrogance and teen girl fascination with his public images seems particularly British. Most are content thinking of Beckham as a fop who spend twenty minutes a day considering belts. The English have literally exploded with polite exasperation over a man jockeying for social caste position. The British are obsessed with propriety in public. But these were private emails.

Of course The Beckhams are conniving dullards behind closed doors. So they primarily give to the poor in service of complimentary attention in the press? Have you never spent a day with rich people before?

In America, we laud our self-interested good looking people. We respect the right of our exalted figures to be completely two faced, raging hypocrites. If an anti-immigrant conservative isn’t using cheap illegal workers on his home remodel or an anti-school choice activist isn’t sending her kids to private school, we’re rather disappointed. Expect less of your public figures and you’ll find you’re a less flummoxed lot. Beckileaks is fake news.

_{Photo credit: Splash News}