Angelina Jolie Child Thirst Originated in Cambodia

Angelina Jolie is in Cambodia filming yet another morose and unpopular film about human tragedy for Netflix. Search under Sad and Suicidal and Asian Genocide next date night on the couch. Famously now the mother of anywhere from nine to fourteen children from all the important continents, Jolie describes the moment she landed in Cambodia to film Tomb Raider and suddenly felt a need to adopt her first baby:

It’s strange, I never wanted to have a baby. I never wanted to be pregnant. I never babysat. I never thought of myself as a mother. But while playing with children at a Cambodian school, it was suddenly very clear to me that my son was in the country, somewhere.

With that kind of feeling you’ve just got to dispatch your personal assistant into the Killing Fields and tell her not to come back without your new charge.

A solid break for the orphaned Cambodian she selected. A shittier moment for the fifty million men who wanted to bang Angelina Jolie ever so badly at twenty-five. She was perfect. Jolie went into cloistered loon mode not long after. She pushed another half dozen Colors of Benetton kids through the checkout line and cut off her tits. Age old story. Stupid fucking Cambodian orphan babies. What will you ruin next?

Photo credit: FameFlynet/”Lara Croft: Tomb Raider”