Rihanna Nipples Not as Piercing As Her Workplace Gags

Rihanna isn’t just a hot piece of pierced nipples in stupid sunglasses. She’s a corporate fashion magnate in the making. Sensing the end of her music career due to her songs sounding exactly like eighty-seven other artists not too high to work, Rihanna launched the Fenty Corp fashion brand. Fenty is her real last name. I didn’t know either and I had ten years to Google while staring at her tits.

Some witty associate at Fenty made a funny with a one-sheet employee handbook passed out to the girls loaded with rich satire:

Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays.

It is advised you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and don’t need a raise.

Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that’s all the time they need to drink a SlimFast.

If you printed shit like this even as a gag at a regular old non-female celebrity led company, you’d be sued, put into sensitivity training, and have a very serious woman in a beret walking by your office ominously with garden shears. In the Fenty Corp world where everybody hates themselves to the point of working in the fashion business, it’s an amusement. A chance to pause from your never ending thoughts of starvation and suicide. Dad always wanted a boy. But only after he met you. Keep up the freebie workplace violations. Barbados doesn’t honor extradition.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI