Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner to Cohabitate

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are divorcing amicably. They intend to remain great friends and even continue to live together to parent their three carefully named children. Which sounds an awful lot like being married, with the exception that all that side fucking is no longer cheating. It’s rather genius if you can pull it off. Affleck gets models on his dick at night and breakfast with the nuclear family the next morning. While Garner presumably gets to feel like she’s not hurting the kids because she married a dude who loves Pai Gow and Asian pussy.

They are not the first celebrity divorced couple to employ such cohabitation tactics. None have lasted on the same property past about six months or the first time they heard their ex screaming ‘I’m gonna cum so hard for you, you fucking whore!’ from the guest house. That’s just super hard to get used to. It’s unnatural to remain amicable with your former spouse. It’s the one person in the world you probably have good reason to hate. What has the leader of ISIS done to you personally? That’s right, nothing. But your ex betrayed your trust, lied to you, treated you like shit, took you for granted, and at some point, probably pissed on the toilet seat just to cause you aggravation. Tell me again how this is for the children? Don’t answer that. Here’s your Facebook like.