Candice Swanepoel Jeans of Disrepair

You used to have to wear holes in your own jeans. What a pain. For $200 you can have the toothless avós in the City of God rend your garments prior to shipping. It might offend every single mom ever who ever prayed to the Almighty to stretch one more month out of their kids’ jeans, but fuck them. They didn’t look like Candice Swanepoel. Neither do the women who buy these. Chic denim buyers will never know the self-worth found in an Iron Maiden jean patch. I pity them and their kid with the measles. Don’t let him puke on your jeans, vegan bile stains something awful.

Photo Credit: Osmoze Jeans