Kelly Ripa Gets Down And Dirty

I don’t know why it makes me uncomfortable to learn Kelly Ripa fucks her husband all the time. Odds are she even fucked dudes before they met. There are dudes walking around out there who have literally put their dick in Kelly Ripa. I know why the thought of Ripa spread eagle on a mattress kills my boner. After catching her in nine second glimpses fake laughing at bullshit on Live while channel surfing the last twenty years I would just be paranoid she’s faking it. That wide overenthusiastic smile as if your dick is thirty feet long and covered in pop rocks. She’s hot. Just more like that car in Farris Bueller that’s meant to be parked in the garage and not driven. Not the case. She fucks her husband:

“I fundamentally believe that the more you do it, the more you do it, the less you do it, the less you do it. We try to do spicy things together all the time.”

Let it be noted: This is code, and means Kelly Ripa is not just having vanilla bean missionary sex. She’s doing doggystyle, for sure. She owns rabbits and cock rings. She sucks strawberry flavored lube off his balls and talks about holiday recipes in the breakfast nook afterwards like a lady. It’s utterly disturbing. Please take this back and return your vagina to hypothetical status. Please.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI