Gay Michael Sam Released

Gay Michael Sam did not make the final cut for the St. Louis Rams start of the season roster. This could mean an abrupt end to the ESPN investigation into how Sam’s teammates were handling his alluring gay penis in the locker room. I don’t mean literally handling. Or do I? ESPN 360 that shit. Michael Sam made history on draft day when he kissed his boyfriend with a mouth full of cake on national television to signify that men who open mouth kiss other men with mouths full of cake would now be accepted into the manly male club of the NFL. To the Rams, it signified that it was time to figure out a way to cut Sam all fairly and squarely and then cover their tracks:

Well, it was a football decision and it was no different than any other decision that we make. It was a football decision. It was a football decision back in May to draft Mike. And once again, it’s been all about football. — Jeff Fisher, Rams Head Coach

I’m sensing from Jeff Fisher that this was entirely a football decision. Fisher went on to document just how many snaps Sam took during preseason practices, how he had told Sam landing a roster spot would be tough from the beginning, and then holding hands with his fellow Rams staffers at the press conference and singing the LGBT Theme Song, which sounds remotely like Elton John’s Daniel. Somebody had to be first. Just like that black baseball player who was in the minors before Jackie Robinson but didn’t make the cut so nobody remembers his name or gives a shit. That’s probably Michael Sam’s fate after the next openly gay player becomes an MVP quarterback and gets an inspirational book series for young boys that parents refuse to allow in their house. History remembers the generals, not the soldiers.