Michael Vick Is Jilted

Michael Vick is pissed that teammate Riley Cooper did not text him back after Vick texted to congratulate him on his new contract. Vick is a rare breed who holds the emotional vulnerability of a schoolgirl with the ability to kill furry dogs without blinking. Vick is claiming almost sole responsibility for Cooper’s success last year because he stuck up for him after Cooper was videotaped dropping some fairly heinous N-Bombs at a Kenny Chesney concert:

“I stood in front of the team, I stood in front of the cameras and defused that whole situation. We had guys talking about knocking him out, taking his head off, doing X, Y and Z to him on the field, and none of that happened, out of respect for myself, I think…Unfortunately, it was going to derail Riley’s career. It would have ended his career.”

No doubt Cooper’s black teammates were deeply offended by his shit poor judgement and whatever bad thoughts his pappy put inside of his head. But whether Vick’s teammates respect his word as gospel or simply find it easier to nod in agreement when a canine murdering psychopath is talking we will never know. I normally would say Cooper could ignore all the Michael Vick texts he wanted, but given just how many N-bombs he dropped, he should probably consider treating any and all black people who text him like crazy girlfriends and send back smiley faces and LUVS!!! within three to five minutes.

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