Sylvie van der Vaart in A Bikini

Syvlie van der Vaart seems like one of those women men create in comic books. She’s not even van der Vaart anymore. That was the name of her pro soccer husband Rafael van der Vaart who dumped her last year after her chemotherapy left her unable to produce more children. She seemed pretty understanding:

I knew for years how big his desire was to have children. I guess it’s good that Rafael is now getting the child that I couldn’t give him thanks to my cancer diagnosis.

That’s mighty understanding of a professional athlete’s desire to beget many children on various continents then battle in court over child support. But it gets worse. Or better. Her husband decided the best choice of new womb would be Sylvie’s best friend and the divorced wife of his teammate. Sabia Some Slut, or something like that. Syvlie was super cool to that as well:

I imagine when all the emotions die down that Rafael, Sabia and me will probably be able to get along perfectly normally.

Where did they make this woman? I have to believe she’s either a fembot programmed by the NFL Stepford Wives project or she really fucking hated her husband and couldn’t wait for him to go. Maybe she’s got her own dude on the side who can handle banging a 35-year old lingerie model who can’t get pregnant no matter the sweat between the sheets. That sounds horrible. If the feminists let her live, Sylvie’s going to make a great leader of the resistance.

Photo Credit: Splash