Cairo Seems Like a Great College Town

Cairo University is considered the most progressive of the Egyptian universities, offerings in-depth study of pertinent fields such as Caliphate building in a digital age, 9th century modernist philosophy, and, if you’re an athlete looking for gut courses, the Driving Jews into the Sea mini-major is supposed to be a guaranteed passing grade. Outside the classroom, if pretty girls walk across the campus, you can have a little hoot assaulting them on your way to the dining hall for finger porridge Thursdays. Times have changed on college campuses I guess. Where I went to school, if you even looked at a girl’s chest, the college feminists held you down and shaved your nutsack with the slogan No Means No.

Women’s rights activists across the world are outraged that a swarm of male students at Cairo University saw fit to taunt and jeer and try to pull the clothes off of a blond female student simply for crossing the campus. The incident was caught on camera, causing the University Dean to first respond, what is this newfangled camera magic voodoo thing you talk about, then later to assert that maybe the woman shouldn’t have dressed so provocatively in a super thick sweater. The Dean noted that guards are instructed to deny campus access to women who aren’t cowering in fear beneath large shapeless cloaks as they did when Egypt opened its first university in 3,000 BC.  The Dean quickly softened his remarks and assured everybody that the roving student assault gang would be punished by taking away their Fatwah legal pads for an entire week.  No Fatwahs for you, Hamid. Egypt has been under scrutiny of late because the government seems to keep organizing the rape and assault and mutilation of women as a matter of policy and just general frat boy behavior.

More than 99 per cent of women in Egypt have been subjected to a form of harassment, according to a study carried out in 2013 by UN Women.

Apparently, there’s still work to be done, Egyptian men. Put down the grape leaves and Fanta sodas and get on this.