Julianne Moore Needs to Start Thinking Brassiere

According to my cursory review of women’s magazines, it’s vital for a woman to feel comfortable about her changing body as she ages. Men can go fuck themselves right up their flat asses and ear hair, but women can’t be happy without body confidence. I’m not exactly clear what a changing female body means, but I’m going to guess it has something to do with your tits dangling like Newton’s Cradle and your face looking a Big Twelve linebacker coach. Everybody remembers the middle-aged lady on the block who’d pick up her newspaper with her gelatinous knockers dangling about her patellas beneath an oversized tee. Until I saw my first Playboy, I thought tits were like giant starfish stomaches distending around prey for digestion. I’m not saying Julianne Moore is there yet. I’m also not saying she’s not there. Who am I to tell any woman to put on a bra. Though, she really should. Do it now.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI