Rico Suave Gets His Own TV Show

Gerardo “Rico Suave” Mejia has been given his own reality show on VH1. The show is called…wait for it…Suave Says. Gerardo left being a performer behind once he was asked to put on a shirt by everyone in America. He’s now an executive at Interscope records. The show will focus on him “passing the torch” of being a shitty singer to his three kids, (which is the price you pay for being a gigolo). Was there really a call for this? What kind of mouth-breathing moron greenlit this fucking thing? Why in the name of fuck would you broadcast a show about a one hit wonder from 25 years ago? The problem with this show, besides the obvious, is that Gerardo is perhaps the worst thing ever to happen to Latinos in America since the conquest of the Americas and the genocide of the native people. But that’s arguable. Some might argue that Gerardo was a pioneer by becoming one of the first Latino artists to make it big on the American charts. Bullshit. You can’t be a pioneer if you set Latinos back by 500 years. I truly believe that Gerardo is the reason there isn’t comprehensive immigration reform. Every time senators think about Latinos coming to America they picture a shirtless Gerardo showing up at their house to plow their daughters and tell them, “Y usted señor why’s your chin on the floor? Sierra la boca por favor.” Rude.