Taylor Swift Inc. Bought House For Pregnant Homeless Fan For App Downloads

Taylor Swift Inc. has been busy in the boardroom split testing her next literal exploit, and now we know that it’s come in the form of buying a pregnant and homeless fan a brand new house! You get a house, and you get a house, and you get a house! Except really just you, busted probably crack head homeless pregnant woman, because you’re going to tell the world about the experience on Taylor Swift’s brand new app that’s fun for the whole family, The Swift Life, and you’re going to pretend like you weren’t contractually obligated to do so. The woman, Stephanie, even included some handy hashtags for other Swift gift recipients to join in on the convo. The whole thing feels like it was pulled off with the help of a consulting firm, and the fact that people are deep throating this news – with Just Jared calling it “seriously cool” – is fucking tragic.

Here’s what Stephanie had to say about being Taylor Swift’s henchman:

I’ve been contemplating posting this story for a while. I’ve finally decided to tell you all what Taylor did for me this night. What many of you don’t know is that for 8 months of my pregnancy I was homeless. Long story short our first flat was condemned for health and safety reasons and we lost everything. o add to the stress, during this time Matthew lost his job.

My mum told Taylor and just asked her to make me feel special at her show I was attending in Manchester. After the show Taylor took us back to her dressing room where she told me, ‘Stephanie, You’ve been in my life for a long time and you’ve never asked me for anything. You could have reached out and I would have helped you. But you didn’t. You’re mum told me.’

She told me she wanted to give me the money back for my ticket that night. What she actually did was help us buy a home and all I needed for my baby. She told me, ‘I want you to be able to enjoy your little girl, not have to worry about all this stuff.’

That night she gave me her hand and lifted me off the ground. The same way she’s done for 12 years. I love her forever. #SwiftStories #Taymoji #MySwiftStory.

It’s the weekend and I really don’t have much in me, so I’ll just say, I really really hate Taylor Swift and now I really really hate Stephanie. Gross shameless whore piles of trash. Oh wait it’s Christmas. Merry Christmas, gross shameless whore piles of trash.  

^{Photo Credit: Mr. Skin, The Swift Life}