Janet Jackson, Newly Single Mom

Janet Jackson and Wissam Al Mana are divorcing to celebrate the three month birthday of the child Jackson cooked up in her older lady womb. The split happened five minutes after Al Mana remembered he’s forty-two and owns every single foreign car and fast food outlet in the Middle East. Jackson’s camp claims Al Mana become overly controlling during his wife’s pregnancy. He did crazy shit like asking, ‘What the fuck are you doing having a baby at fifty?’ Somebody had to and he’s the only one not on the payroll.

According to all reports, Jackson is stoked to be a mom and looks amazing. Her round the clock team of nannies and wet nurses appear sightly less glowing. In her infant son, Eissa, Jackson has found something to have and to hold that won’t fuck other women or rob her of royalties. By the time he does, she’ll be too old to care. 

With three divorces under her belt, Janet remains the steadiest living Jackson family member. When she goes reverse Bruce Jenner, adjust the list accordingly. Consider it a challenge to pass LaToya.

_{Photo credit: FameFlynet}