Taylor Swift Charms 96 Year Old Male Fan

Today in fake news, Taylor Swift performed a heavily documented private concert for the friends and family of a 96 year old WWII veteran named Cyrus Porter who is supposedly her “biggest fan.” There are three distinct possibilities here: 1) Cyrus is suffering from severe dementia and actually likes Taylor Swift’s music and believes himself to be her triangle player. 2) Cyrus is being used as a cog by his shit ass granddaughters so they can take Instagram pics and brag in school. 3) Cyrus is an old pervert who’s been a fan of Swift since she was in her tweens. One non existent possibility is Cyrus being a healthy 96 year old who enjoys the music of Taylor Swift. We didn’t storm the beaches at Normandy for this shit:

“Look what she does, she puts on a show no one else puts on. I just liked the way the way she did stuff. Yeah, I just enjoy it, I’m getting old. I’m just enjoying everything.”

That sounds really specific. What’s your favorite song of hers, Can’t Touch This? This actually makes sense, Cyrus is one of those people who just likes everything. Popeye’s chicken? Fantastic! The new Ghostbusters movie? 5 stars. Carlos Mencia? That bit about burritos is killer!

In an attempt to humanize Taylor Swift, who is a lower functioning Westworld droid who knows four chords, her army of PR people have sought out the one old veteran who is confident enough in himself to pretend he likes Taylor Swift for the benefit of his grandchildren. For this he deserves great praise. And saving us from the Nazis. Minus Taylor Swift.

_{Photo Credit: Instagram}