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Hollywood Vegans Turn to Animal Flesh

May 10, 2016 | WTF | Lex Jurgen | 0 Comments

Matthew and Terces Engelhart started their upscale vegan restaurant chain with one goal. Make a boatload of cash off trendy fuckers in Los Angeles and get the hell out of town. The Engelharts animal-free restaurants pack in the perniciously iron deficient crowds seeking to better themselves by mimicking the diets of far less successful species. The lines is often half an hour or more. Yet nobody has the time to Google the lifespan of a gnu.

The Engelhart’s retired from day to day management of their restaurant chain to their Northern California farm where they re-discovered their thirst for animal. It started with eggs. Classic gateway. Soon they were drinking milk from a cow they purchased. When the cow died the Engleharts had a decision to make. They decided on country ribs and pot roast. That broke forty years of no meat. With a moo-moo here.

Some vegan troll discovered the Englehart’s blood orgy and sent out a code red to all the herbivores in the urban forest. First response, death threats. It’s a thoughtful opener. Boycotts at the restaurants followed. Animal rights groups are demanding the Engleharts disavow their flesh consumption and convert their farm into an animal sanctuary where animals can eat and fuck for free without fear of slaughter. 

The Englehart’s son who now runs the vegan restaurant chain attempted to say something that made perfect sense:

“I personally feel it’s a little illogical to require my parents to remain vegan for the rest of their lives just because they created a vegan restaurant at a point in time that they were vegan.”

You’re conversing with people who cry when they drive past a man fishing off the pier. The anemic tremors make it hard to barricade those emotions. You’ve got great location. Convert those kale gardens into whole hog smokers. Meat restaurants don’t fare well in Hollywood, but you get to live to see your first stroke.

Photo credit: Splash News

Tags: cafe gratitude




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