Zoe Saldana Not Black Enough

It’s finally happened. The world of trigger warnings and political correctness has collapsed onto itself. A black person has been accused of employing blackface. Zoe Saldana is being attacked for her portrayal of Nina Simone in an upcoming biopic. Critics, much of Simone’s family among them, have aggressively lashed out at Saldana for being far too hot to play the ugly relative they fondly remember. When Saldana recently tweeted a Simone quote, the verified Nina Simone Twitter account tweeted back,

“Cool story but please take Nina’s name out your mouth. For the rest of your life.”

Sassy even in death. Support came from a surprising source, however, when Simone’s daughter, Lisa Simone Kelly, defended Saldana. Sort of.

“It’s unfortunate that Zoe Saldana is being attacked so viciously when she is someone who is part of a larger picture. It’s clear she brought her best to this project, but unfortunately she’s being attacked when she’s not responsible for any of the writing or the lies.”

Hollywood will continue to hire attractive people to play ugly real-life people because you can’t really hire ugly people to play attractive people. They haven’t invented the makeup for that.. The Academy had better hope this movie is a serious piece of shit or they’re in trouble. If they nominate Saldana to appease the Oscars-so-white crowd, they’ll still be racist for favoring a black film that’s not black enough. But if Saldana doesn’t win an Oscar, the Academy is racist because Nicole Kidman got Best Actress for bravely donning a prosthetic nose in The Hours. It’s a Catch-22, if that means that everybody loses except for Chris Rock.

Photo credit: Zoe Saldana / Instagram