Morrissey Groped By Airport Security

Morrissey claims a TSA agent at the San Francisco International Airport grabbed his dick while frisking him, although it’s unclear why he had a boner or specifically requested Chad. He proceeded to write a blog about the ordeal while mascara ran down his face. To be fair he was carrying several fertilizer bombs on his way to find that lion killer in Minnesota. Americans are so uptight:

“Before I could gather my belongings from the usual array of trays I was approached by an ‘airport security officer’ who stopped me, crouched before me and groped my penis and testicles… Should you find yourself traveling through San Francisco International Airport, you should expect sexual abuse from the so-called ‘security officers’ who, we are unconvincingly warned, are acting only for our security.”

It’s not like the TSA goes down to the Castro and finds fun boys passed out on the sidewalk from a ketamine comedown and straps vests on them for the day like it’s Labor Ready. Airport Security people are exceedingly retarded but they’re not working for free personal pans at the Godfather’s. There’s still a modicum of professionalism. Everyone knows they jerk off to the body scans of the volleyball team but we’re talking about a sixty year old corpse who never shuts the fuck up. Maybe it’s possible. I just never trust people who need a problem to function. Why do your balls have paws? Sir are you smuggling gerbils?

Photo Credit: Getty Images