Lindsay Lohan Addicted to Freezing

Lindsay Lohan returned to the cryo tank to freeze herself back to only semi-lividity. If applied properly, the negative Kelvin temperatures of the chamber can alleviate joint pain and cause your poor decisions of the last ten years to disappear. Imagine the joy on Greasy Bear’s face when a decade’s worth of cocaine reappears in his gym bag. Adam Levine, that tingle in your scrote is your spooge returning. Stick it in your wife and see if she grows freckles. It’s a shame you only get three minutes in the tank. I’d recommend sex with your female friend to survive. Keep the gloves on.

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