Michael Sam Pats Himself On The Ass

Michael Sam bragged about himself while promoting his 90 minute documentary which will air in place of his NFL career. It will be seen by several ladies destined to be consumed by their own cats on OWN instead of watched by millions on Sundays. Sam is like that obnoxious history professor who sings the praises of Henry IV in grandiose border line flamboyant tones, although he is doing it in regards to himself:

“Very few reached out to me and pretty much just told me their gratitude and how thankful they were that I had the courage. They wished that they had the courage to come out. (They) just showed their respect and admired my courage… It was very good.”

Sam says there are “a lot” of gay NFL players. He also says “very few” contacted him following his coming out. I feel there’s a discrepancy. Are these guy’s beaming a rainbow signal to him from the tops of buildings? Maybe he’s being presumptuous. Like when you start playing World of Warcraft  and tell your parents everyone is doing it. Turns out it might just be you and a few of your friends who will never produce children. There are definitely some gay guys in the NFL. Their closet status might have less to do with fear of coming out, but more they are busy working their asses off to remain in the NFL instead of sucking their boyfriend’s tonsils in front of the flash bulbs. Once you retire it’s Palm Springs and Speedos and suck my gay Super Bowl winning dick. Until then, unlike Sam, they have a job to do.

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