Angelina Jolie Defends Santa Claus

Angelina Jolie and preeminent evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins are trading barbs over Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. At a recent symposium the vehemently anti-religious and award winningly boring Dawkins questioned whether children should be taught to believe in fairytale bullshit and should instead be raised with a “spirit of skepticism.” Dawkins sees a slippery slope between telling your kids that Santa exists and them strapping on bombs for Allah. Naturally, Dawkins misses the entire point of child mythology which is to get kids to shut the fuck up at bedtime. Go ahead and teach your preschoolers skepticism and debate tactics and start counting the minutes until you decided to blow your brains out.

Jolie is currently starring as a fairy in Maleficent which is pretty similar accreditation to being a child development specialist. Similar to how Brad Pitt is now an expert at robbing casinos and aging backward. Actually, I think is he aging backward, that fiendishly handsome bastard. Jolie has responded to Dawkins comments by asserting that fairytales are harmless and that children should enjoy their innocence and fantasy for as long as they can. Someday, they’ll have to grow up, make out with their siblings, steal somebody’s husband, and cut off their female parts to please science. For now, just Santa, and some Kwanzaa voodoo shit for the African ones. Don’t take that away from them, you crusty British necromancer.

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