THIS IS HARD TO BELIEVE

A highly suspicious blog went up on blogspot yesterday, allegedly written by Madonna’s brother so that he could tell a few stories he wasn’t legally allowed to in his new book about life with his famous sister.  There are only three posts, but the gold medal winning story is about how she prepped her voice for a recording session one time.  The has-to-be-fake blog says…

    I'm at Madonna’s apartment in New York City where she is getting ready to film a scene for a new movie called Visionquest. She has been rehearsing a song called "Warning Signs" and sounds absolutely horrible. She then comes up with her usual solution for improving her voice and proceeds to call a guy named Johnny, a handsome rugged looking Puerto Rican guy who used to live at her former apartment building.    “Chris, you have to go now,” she exclaims. I tell her that I can just stay in the other room, but she argues. Before she can say anything else, Johnny arrives at the door. His gives me a strange look, but it’s not a threatening one. “He’s leaving now,” Madonna says and gives me a look that reads, “Get out of her or else!”    Johnny gives me that enticing look again and answers, “Actually, he could stay.” He smiles at both Madonna and I, who are at first fascinated at the thought of a threesome until the fact that we are brother and sister hits us. When Madonna informs Johnny that I’m her brother, he answers, “You guys don’t have to touch each other.” Johnny then proceeds to take off his pants and then his underwear. After our eyes glue to Johnny’s huge snake, Madonna and I look at each other in amazement. I immediately rush over to it as my mouth waters.    “Sorry,” Madonna says and pushes me away. She then gulps Johnny’s snake like it’s some type of watermelon. Johnny sits down on a chair and I feel a little bit left out until he informs me to take off my clothes. I feel uncomfortable getting naked in front of my sister, but Madonna is so preoccupied that she barely notices.    “Come here!” Johnny says and I walk towards him. Johnny then proceeds to suck my snake like it’s a watermelon and both of us are moaning in harmony. At least it’s more harmonious than Madonna’s singing throughout the day. Suddenly, Johnny’s moans become louder until I can hear Madonna make gulping noises. Johnny doesn’t swallow, but for some reason, it doesn’t bother me. Right after Johnny leaves, Madonna proceeds to sing and she sounds wonderful. Her performance of “Warning Signs” is a knockout that evening, even though they end up cutting the scene from the film.

"She gulped Johnnys snake like it was a watermelon"?  What the hell does that even mean?  For all you beginners out there, if you’re trying to explain to a girl how to give oral, it might not be the best idea in the world to compare your penis to something she would normally bite and then chew.  

(and yes madonna is wearing a see-thru shirt with no bra in that picture)