MARCIA CROSS IS NAKED. UNFORTUNATELY.

Marcia Cross is "desperate" (get it, huh … get it … yeah, nice) to keep over 200 fully naked pictures of her off the market.  A company that was hired to remove trash from Cross' home discovered the pictures amongst the garbage and turned them over to a broker in Phoenix named David Hans Schmidt.  Cross is demanding the pictures be returned, saying they were thrown away by mistake, but Schmidt claims she no longer has any right to them.  He is, however, offering her the first chance to buy them back.  Schmidt says:

"The pictures were not stolen.  When you throw something away, you forfeit that property.  We recognize the copyright issue, but U.S. copyright law stops at the border … I'm not looking to mortify Ms. Cross, I just want the most money for my client …  There are some pictures of her showering outside.  She looks absolutely gorgeous. And yes, the carpet does match the curtains."

Nice.  You stay classy David Hans Schmidt!  And hopefully that will be some comfort to you when the offers to buy naked pictures of Marcia Cross don't come rolling in.  She's barely tolerable after 40 hours of photoshop (see above) but in real life she looks like a ghost in a Chinese opera (see below).  Oh, she looks like fun in real life doesn't she.  Dressing like Truman Capote to go to the beach.  It's amazing she's not starting to smoke.  She's so damn bright she doesn't even look like a human being, it looks like some kind of religious vision, as if the Virgin Mary appeared on the beach.  And then went kayaking.  You just know all the maids at this place went nuts, saying "Santa Maria!" and making the sign of the cross.  

(by the way, if you want to know what she looks like topless, the answer is, "exactly like this")